Mother Wounds: Can A Man Experience Conflict With Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

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Mother Wounds: Can A Man Experience Conflict With Women If He Had An Abusive Mother?

By Oliver JR Cooper

What a man may find, if he was to step back and reflect on his life, is that, in general, his relationships with women have been anything but harmonious. Therefore, when the 'battle of the sexes' is mentioned, he probably won't find it hard to relate to what is being spoken about.

When it comes to his relationships, then, this area of his life will have often been filled with drama and highs and lows. So, as opposed to a woman complementing him, she will have rubbed him up the wrong way, so to speak.

In The Same Boat

Most likely, he will have come across plenty of men who have had the same experiences that he has had. As a result of this, he could believe that this is just what relationships are like between men and women.

Due to this, he could believe that men and women are simply not supposed to be together. At this point, it may seem as though his only option is to avoid getting into a relationship and to do his best to avoid women in general.

A Closer Look

If he was to look back on his life, he may find that how he experiences life is nothing new. For as long as he can remember, he may have had troubled relationships with women.

If this is the case, it won't be a surprise if he believes that this is just how it is when it comes to women and there is nothing that he can do. The trouble is that his need to connect to a woman is not just going to disappear; that's not to say that it can't be suppressed and end up becoming sexualised.

A Poor Replacement

But, even if this does take place and he ends up only looking to a woman to fulfil his sexual needs and emotional needs that have also become sexualised, it is unlikely to have a positive effect on him. Of course, he will probably feel good while he is fulfilling them but shortly after, it is likely to be very different.

He could feel empty and deprived, with it being only too clear that fulfilling his sexual needs is not enough. The false sense of 'intimacy' that he experienced by getting close to a woman's body won't have been emotionally fulfilling.

Going Deeper

Now, even though his life may have more or less always been this way and he may have met plenty of men who are in this same position, this doesn't mean that this is just how life is. So, although it may seem as though his experiences reflect how life is, it would be more accurate to say that they reflect how he is.

What this comes down to is that he, and everyone else on this planet, is not simply observing reality. His extroverted ego-mind, along with his eyes, will create this impression but it is an illusion.

The Mirror

Thus, the experiences that he has reveal more about what is going on for him than what is going on for women. This doesn't mean that his life is purely a reflection of what is taking place in his conscious mind, though; it is also a reflection of what is taking place in his unconscious mind.

After hearing this, that's if he hasn't completely dismissed what has been said and seen it as being ridiculous, he could wonder how what is going on 'out there' relates to him. For one thing, he could say that he wants to have harmonious relationships with women; he doesn't want to experience life in this way.

A Multi-Faceted Being

Even if this takes place, what it doesn't change is that he is made up of many parts and there is a strong chance that he is carrying a number of parts inside him that are not in a good way. It is likely to be these parts that are causing him to co-create a life that is like this.

To understand why he is carrying parts inside him that are doing this, it will be necessary for him to take a closer look at his early years. This is likely to have been a stage of his life when he had a very challenging relationship with his mother.

Back In Time

His mother may have been emotionally unavailable (and in a deeply traumatised state) and, thus, been unable to truly be there for him throughout this important stage of his development. This would have meant that his needs were rarely if ever met and this would have caused him to suffer greatly.

He wouldn't have been able to connect to her and this relationship would have meant that their relationship was anything but harmonious. As opposed to her being warm and nurturing, she would have been cold and distant.

The Next Stage

Tying to receive love from her would then have been like trying to get blood out of a stone; a stuffed animal may have been able to provide more love. As the years went by, she may have done her best to push him down, not lift him up.

And, whilst this was going on, she may have also done her best to do the same to his father (who was probably a broken man). There would then have been conflict between him and his mother and between the man with who he would have identified with, his father, sending an indirect message that this is how it is between men and women.
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An Unhealthy Model

His mother would have provided him with his first model of what women are like, and she would have made him believe that women are withholding, distant, cold and a threat and are essentially his enemy. Thanks to this, he will need to be on guard and to protect himself when he is around them; he won't be able to open up to them.

Not only would this have given him an unhealthy model of women, but it would have also caused him to develop an unhealthy relationship with his own feminine aspect. This side will relate to surrendering, letting go, receiving and being vulnerable, and each of these will be seen as a risk.

Awareness

These early experiences will have left him with a number of limiting beliefs and emotional wounds. There would have been conflict outside of him very early on and now there will be conflict inside of him.

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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